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Monday, November 15, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
forgive me as i update my tumblr more than this via my cell. yfeuer is my tumblr name.
Against my better judgement right now I think I'm going to attempt to blog what's been going on.
Let me start off by saying that none of this is on fb right now. So if you're anonamously stalking me here but are friends with me on fb, I would greatly appreciate it if you asked me privately about what's going on. I do not have all the facts right now and I do not want to cause a stir and worry some people that don't need to be worried right now. This process is on going and I need to vent and document what is going on. Just putting a disclaimer out there!
On Thursday I had my long awaited first ultrasound to date my pregnancy and my first nurse visit for family history and such. I was super excited about it and couldn't wait to see our baby for the first time. I brought Joe with me so we could experience it together.
We went into the ultrasound room with the tech, she left so I could get undressed from the bottom down for my transvaginal ultrasound. She asked me some questions about my period, just primarily when my last menstrual period (LMP-first day of my last period) was. So she started the ultrasound and located where the baby should be and we saw the tiny little blob of a baby. She began taking pictures and printing them. She asked me again my LMP and said the baby was measuring 6w. That's when a few tears streaked my face for the first time. She moved around the 'wand' a lot trying to get a good view of the baby. She took roughly 10-15 photos of the baby and my ovaries. I told her I was having some pain on my right side and she confirmed what I had thought it to be which was a cyst measuring between half an inch to an inch. Cysts are normal for me and she said its normal to get them and they "help support a pregnancy until about 12w." Whatever that means. At one point I did catch her scrunch her nose and turn her head sideways at the monitor. She then commented about "fall allergies" - I wasn't buying it. She finished the ultrasound and began putting in notes, I glanced over to see her type in "no fetal heartbeat detected" so I began to cry some more. She finished and said she was going to see if the doctor there that day could look at my ultrasound pictures and come talk to me. I thought that was a little weird.
After I was dressed they moved me to the exam room next door to the ultrasound room to wait for the dr. I was a little worried for a few reasons. 1. I was going to be late for my 10am nurse appointment since it was 10 of 10 2. I didn't get a single picture of my baby, not one! 3. It took the doctor 40mns to come see me. As it took longer and longer I began to get worried and upset. I didn't want to tell Joe who was there waiting with me incase it was nothing but my mind getting ahead of itself.
The next part gets a bit blurry and fuzzy for me. Dr. Salem came in and asked me how I've been feeling. He asked if I've had any breast tenderness and such. I said yes, a lot! I was also super sick for 3 days and moderately sick for another 3 days. He next said something that I just wasn't expecting, or maybe I was? He said he thinks I may have had a missed miscarriage.
WHAT?!
Everything after that is a bit fuzzy because I fell apart. He said it was common, 1 in 5... yadda yadda yadda. I could not believe my ears. I... miscarried...??? Its insane to think I went from excited to see my baby to completely crushed within a couple hours. He gave me two pieces of paper. One was to go get blood work done immediately just up the road. The next, he folded and said that IF the bloodwork from that day came back with something, then he MIGHT have me go again on Monday to have it drawn and tested again. IF???? MIGHT???? My world was turned upsidedown that day. I cried my eyes out. Joe held me while I cried and the doctor left. I cried and cried. I cried even more when the room next door had an ultrasound going on and I could hear plain as day the babies heartbeat next door going like crazy.
I just want to take this moment to say that my husband is incredible. I'm spoiled rotten to have such a great man by my side. Its like he scooped up my broken heart and guided me out of there. We checked out and got to the truck. He offered to come pick me up at the door because it was pouring. The weather matched my feelings perfectly and I didn't mind it one bit to be out there amidst the rain and drearyness. Joe took me to the lab and luckily it wasn't busy at all and they took me right in. The girl was very sweet and said that in the end everything will work out. I was a MESS.
We went home and I just climbed into bed and cried. I cried and cried and cried. Joe had a smoke in the other room and then climbed into bed with me. We spent the whole day in bed. I finally got up around 6/7pm. We got a bite to eat and then watched my Thursday shows. At that point I was numb. All I could think about was my beautiful baby blob on that screen and wondering how in the heck it could just be dead inside of me. How? Why? I didn't do anything wrong. Or did I? No!
The next day the doctor called me with results. He told me the numbers came back high. "So it wasn't something hormonal" he said. HUH?? Of course I was in a panic and didn't ask for the actual numbers. I'm an idiot. He told me to go for the second blood draw on Monday. This gave me hope! But I had to wait for Monday! Torture!!!
My weekend wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. A lovely lady on a mommy forum I am a member of online gave me a website of stories of women who have been misdiagnosed with miscarriages. This website not only gave me hope, but it was very informational. The numbers they take my blood for is the hcg hormone produced by a fetus. These numbers get higher as you progress but they do level out at some point. They double in the early part of pregnancy. I was told by my usual dr there that a pregnancy is often actually calculated by LMP, last menstrual period, and not by how far you ACTUALLY are. Dr. Salem never asked me about any of that. Yes he had my chart, but did he even review it?? LMP was sept 6. I didn't ovulate until 17 to 18 days after that. My cycles are 33 days long, not 28 days. I look back and it was exactly 6w from the day I ovulated to the day of the ultrasound on Thursday, when my LMP was saying I was 8w3d. I have a tilted uterus. A heartbeat is hard enough to find at 6w, factor in a tilted uterus makes it all the more difficult to find it. I don't know all the factors in which contributed to Dr Salem determining that it was a miscarriage. Keep in mind, he asked me NOTHING except if I actually had any symptoms.
On Monday, yesterday, I went for my second blood draw. I wasn't upset, I wasn't frantic, nothing. I was calm. I knew that whatever happens would be whatever is meant to be and there is nothing I can do to change it. I just need to be calm and rational as best as possible. There was quite a wait ahead of me. I counted and I was the 13th person in there, minus the 3 children waiting. One women with an uncontrollable and unruly little girl and a young mom with two young boys who were unbelieveably well behaved and roughly the same age as the girl. It made me want a little boy that much more because they were ridiculously adorable. The View was on tv in the waiting room and they were dicussing abortions and president Bush's mom showing him the fetus she miscarried in a jar. It was weird considering what I was there for. I went in when it was my turn, had my blood taken and left.
The only time I began to worry and be a tiny bit upset was last night before bed. But my wonderful husband took me in his arms and I just knew whatever happened, we would be ok. We would make it ok and move on no matter what.
Fast forward to this morning - Tuesday.
Dr. Salem called me to give me some results. He said my numbers came back higher but "they aren't as big of a jump as he would like." Huh? What?? I asked him for the numbers. My first draw on Thursday was 45,000+. Mondays draw was 51,000+. Not a big enough jump?! The numbers went UP. They increased by 6,000 over the weekend! How is that not enough?! I scheduled another ultrasound for Monday as per his recommendation. I didn't question him at all. At this point I've lost faith in this doctor. I can understand airing on the side of caution, but these numbers give me such hope. If it went down it would be a tell tale sign that I had lost the baby. It takes a live baby/fetus to even produce these numbers! Is he worried because he misdiagnosed me and science is proving him wrong?!
By Monday I will be a few days short of being able to measure 8w on an ultrasound if all is going well. I think that mondays ultrasound will answer all of our questions. But I find myself sitting here thinking of the wait until Monday. Granted I can find a new dr and get a second opinion now. Or I could goto the ER and complain of cramps and get an ultrasound now. But at the same time, a week isn't long and a lot can develop with the baby. What if its still too early for a heartbeat today. That will worry me more.
In my non medical opinion, I feel as if the dr is wrong. If he can't give me answers or hope on Monday then I am asking for my charts and getting a new dr, another opinion and a new hope. I can't and won't live on a prayer or the prayers of my family and close friends with a dr that is stringing me along. Its not happening.
Let me start off by saying that none of this is on fb right now. So if you're anonamously stalking me here but are friends with me on fb, I would greatly appreciate it if you asked me privately about what's going on. I do not have all the facts right now and I do not want to cause a stir and worry some people that don't need to be worried right now. This process is on going and I need to vent and document what is going on. Just putting a disclaimer out there!
On Thursday I had my long awaited first ultrasound to date my pregnancy and my first nurse visit for family history and such. I was super excited about it and couldn't wait to see our baby for the first time. I brought Joe with me so we could experience it together.
We went into the ultrasound room with the tech, she left so I could get undressed from the bottom down for my transvaginal ultrasound. She asked me some questions about my period, just primarily when my last menstrual period (LMP-first day of my last period) was. So she started the ultrasound and located where the baby should be and we saw the tiny little blob of a baby. She began taking pictures and printing them. She asked me again my LMP and said the baby was measuring 6w. That's when a few tears streaked my face for the first time. She moved around the 'wand' a lot trying to get a good view of the baby. She took roughly 10-15 photos of the baby and my ovaries. I told her I was having some pain on my right side and she confirmed what I had thought it to be which was a cyst measuring between half an inch to an inch. Cysts are normal for me and she said its normal to get them and they "help support a pregnancy until about 12w." Whatever that means. At one point I did catch her scrunch her nose and turn her head sideways at the monitor. She then commented about "fall allergies" - I wasn't buying it. She finished the ultrasound and began putting in notes, I glanced over to see her type in "no fetal heartbeat detected" so I began to cry some more. She finished and said she was going to see if the doctor there that day could look at my ultrasound pictures and come talk to me. I thought that was a little weird.
After I was dressed they moved me to the exam room next door to the ultrasound room to wait for the dr. I was a little worried for a few reasons. 1. I was going to be late for my 10am nurse appointment since it was 10 of 10 2. I didn't get a single picture of my baby, not one! 3. It took the doctor 40mns to come see me. As it took longer and longer I began to get worried and upset. I didn't want to tell Joe who was there waiting with me incase it was nothing but my mind getting ahead of itself.
The next part gets a bit blurry and fuzzy for me. Dr. Salem came in and asked me how I've been feeling. He asked if I've had any breast tenderness and such. I said yes, a lot! I was also super sick for 3 days and moderately sick for another 3 days. He next said something that I just wasn't expecting, or maybe I was? He said he thinks I may have had a missed miscarriage.
WHAT?!
Everything after that is a bit fuzzy because I fell apart. He said it was common, 1 in 5... yadda yadda yadda. I could not believe my ears. I... miscarried...??? Its insane to think I went from excited to see my baby to completely crushed within a couple hours. He gave me two pieces of paper. One was to go get blood work done immediately just up the road. The next, he folded and said that IF the bloodwork from that day came back with something, then he MIGHT have me go again on Monday to have it drawn and tested again. IF???? MIGHT???? My world was turned upsidedown that day. I cried my eyes out. Joe held me while I cried and the doctor left. I cried and cried. I cried even more when the room next door had an ultrasound going on and I could hear plain as day the babies heartbeat next door going like crazy.
I just want to take this moment to say that my husband is incredible. I'm spoiled rotten to have such a great man by my side. Its like he scooped up my broken heart and guided me out of there. We checked out and got to the truck. He offered to come pick me up at the door because it was pouring. The weather matched my feelings perfectly and I didn't mind it one bit to be out there amidst the rain and drearyness. Joe took me to the lab and luckily it wasn't busy at all and they took me right in. The girl was very sweet and said that in the end everything will work out. I was a MESS.
We went home and I just climbed into bed and cried. I cried and cried and cried. Joe had a smoke in the other room and then climbed into bed with me. We spent the whole day in bed. I finally got up around 6/7pm. We got a bite to eat and then watched my Thursday shows. At that point I was numb. All I could think about was my beautiful baby blob on that screen and wondering how in the heck it could just be dead inside of me. How? Why? I didn't do anything wrong. Or did I? No!
The next day the doctor called me with results. He told me the numbers came back high. "So it wasn't something hormonal" he said. HUH?? Of course I was in a panic and didn't ask for the actual numbers. I'm an idiot. He told me to go for the second blood draw on Monday. This gave me hope! But I had to wait for Monday! Torture!!!
My weekend wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. A lovely lady on a mommy forum I am a member of online gave me a website of stories of women who have been misdiagnosed with miscarriages. This website not only gave me hope, but it was very informational. The numbers they take my blood for is the hcg hormone produced by a fetus. These numbers get higher as you progress but they do level out at some point. They double in the early part of pregnancy. I was told by my usual dr there that a pregnancy is often actually calculated by LMP, last menstrual period, and not by how far you ACTUALLY are. Dr. Salem never asked me about any of that. Yes he had my chart, but did he even review it?? LMP was sept 6. I didn't ovulate until 17 to 18 days after that. My cycles are 33 days long, not 28 days. I look back and it was exactly 6w from the day I ovulated to the day of the ultrasound on Thursday, when my LMP was saying I was 8w3d. I have a tilted uterus. A heartbeat is hard enough to find at 6w, factor in a tilted uterus makes it all the more difficult to find it. I don't know all the factors in which contributed to Dr Salem determining that it was a miscarriage. Keep in mind, he asked me NOTHING except if I actually had any symptoms.
On Monday, yesterday, I went for my second blood draw. I wasn't upset, I wasn't frantic, nothing. I was calm. I knew that whatever happens would be whatever is meant to be and there is nothing I can do to change it. I just need to be calm and rational as best as possible. There was quite a wait ahead of me. I counted and I was the 13th person in there, minus the 3 children waiting. One women with an uncontrollable and unruly little girl and a young mom with two young boys who were unbelieveably well behaved and roughly the same age as the girl. It made me want a little boy that much more because they were ridiculously adorable. The View was on tv in the waiting room and they were dicussing abortions and president Bush's mom showing him the fetus she miscarried in a jar. It was weird considering what I was there for. I went in when it was my turn, had my blood taken and left.
The only time I began to worry and be a tiny bit upset was last night before bed. But my wonderful husband took me in his arms and I just knew whatever happened, we would be ok. We would make it ok and move on no matter what.
Fast forward to this morning - Tuesday.
Dr. Salem called me to give me some results. He said my numbers came back higher but "they aren't as big of a jump as he would like." Huh? What?? I asked him for the numbers. My first draw on Thursday was 45,000+. Mondays draw was 51,000+. Not a big enough jump?! The numbers went UP. They increased by 6,000 over the weekend! How is that not enough?! I scheduled another ultrasound for Monday as per his recommendation. I didn't question him at all. At this point I've lost faith in this doctor. I can understand airing on the side of caution, but these numbers give me such hope. If it went down it would be a tell tale sign that I had lost the baby. It takes a live baby/fetus to even produce these numbers! Is he worried because he misdiagnosed me and science is proving him wrong?!
By Monday I will be a few days short of being able to measure 8w on an ultrasound if all is going well. I think that mondays ultrasound will answer all of our questions. But I find myself sitting here thinking of the wait until Monday. Granted I can find a new dr and get a second opinion now. Or I could goto the ER and complain of cramps and get an ultrasound now. But at the same time, a week isn't long and a lot can develop with the baby. What if its still too early for a heartbeat today. That will worry me more.
In my non medical opinion, I feel as if the dr is wrong. If he can't give me answers or hope on Monday then I am asking for my charts and getting a new dr, another opinion and a new hope. I can't and won't live on a prayer or the prayers of my family and close friends with a dr that is stringing me along. Its not happening.
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Saturday, October 16, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
5w1d
yesterday i made an appointment for my first visit which is on Oct 25. i will be 7w. im so very excited. this doesnt seem real, aside from the constant back ache and sore boobies and nips that is!
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Friday, October 8, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Saturday, October 2, 2010
fishing
I am officially enroute to ct. I'm staying the night at my parents, getting up early to group at my uncles house to load up the camper and truck at 7am Sunday to head to Altmar/Pulaski NY for our week(ish) long salmon fishing trip! It is nonstop fishing. We wake up between 4 and 5 am and goto bed between 8 and 9 pm with the day jam packed of fishing. We break for dinner but rarely lunch. We usually fish until dark.
Last year I caught a 25lb salmon, my dad just beat me with a 26/27 lber. The water last year was around 400/600 (not sure of the measurement right this second) which made fishing fairly easy and ok to cross the streams. Toward the end of the week as the water got higher it was harder for me to cross. Well they just had the rainstorm hit them and the water got up to 17,000!!!! I assume they also needed to open the dam to let some water go. As of noon today the water was still at about 3600. Its going to make landing the fish a bit more difficult so I won't be surprised if I lose more fish this week.
The internet is non exisistant up there and phone service is shotty at best. Ill be on occasionally to check texts and my fb, but otherwise its going to be a tech free week for me. It will definitely make the last week of my 2ww go quick. So cross your fingers that in short time I get that bfp and I'm sick as a dog lmao! I def WANT it.
Last year I caught a 25lb salmon, my dad just beat me with a 26/27 lber. The water last year was around 400/600 (not sure of the measurement right this second) which made fishing fairly easy and ok to cross the streams. Toward the end of the week as the water got higher it was harder for me to cross. Well they just had the rainstorm hit them and the water got up to 17,000!!!! I assume they also needed to open the dam to let some water go. As of noon today the water was still at about 3600. Its going to make landing the fish a bit more difficult so I won't be surprised if I lose more fish this week.
The internet is non exisistant up there and phone service is shotty at best. Ill be on occasionally to check texts and my fb, but otherwise its going to be a tech free week for me. It will definitely make the last week of my 2ww go quick. So cross your fingers that in short time I get that bfp and I'm sick as a dog lmao! I def WANT it.
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Friday, October 1, 2010
8dpo
Af due in 7days.
Mild cramps and slightly tender/sensitive nips. Cmon bfp
Mild cramps and slightly tender/sensitive nips. Cmon bfp
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Thursday, September 30, 2010
alone
i hate feeling so alone
joe is being a grump bc he wants a bj. supposidly he keeps track of how many he gets. clearly this puts me in the mood to give him one. *insert dumptruck load of sarcasm here*
im so over today. im making grilled pizza and watching my thursdays shows, hopefully it will help. oh and give a bj to keep peace. sad.
joe is being a grump bc he wants a bj. supposidly he keeps track of how many he gets. clearly this puts me in the mood to give him one. *insert dumptruck load of sarcasm here*
im so over today. im making grilled pizza and watching my thursdays shows, hopefully it will help. oh and give a bj to keep peace. sad.
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Tuesday, September 28, 2010
here i thought walmart had cool baby stuff
Boy I was wrong. Macys and kohls have awesome stuff! Enroute to babies r us for my baby fix.
I ONLY saw one pregnant lady today, but the night is still young!
I ONLY saw one pregnant lady today, but the night is still young!
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Saturday, September 25, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
CD19 7:30 am fmu
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Thursday, September 23, 2010
too tired
I was actually too tired to really inspect my line on my opk yesterday. I looked at it again and the line does appear darker than the day before. Maybe I'm beginning to O? Maybe its coming soon?? I hope so! I really want to nail it this month. I want to be a mom so much, its really all that's ever on my mind. Being up so early is past week has made me look at all the little kiddos getting on school buses, with their backpacks looking huge on their backs, their lunch bags and moms waiting with them, sometimes the occasional dad.
I want that.
I want that.
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Wednesday, September 22, 2010
exhausted.
Work has been insane.
Up between 6 and 6:30 and nonstop manual labor until 5/6/7/8pm. Today was particularly bad because I got sunburned pretty bad. I left the site at 4pm to go home, run errands and make it to volleyball for 6:30pm. Played until 9 and then ate at the diner. Showered for the second time today and now finally in bed. Ill be getting up early tomorrow to do it all over again, with sunblock I hope!
I'm lucky to have time to dip my O sticks! And luckily time to post the pics. Off to bed. I can hardly keep my eyes open.
Up between 6 and 6:30 and nonstop manual labor until 5/6/7/8pm. Today was particularly bad because I got sunburned pretty bad. I left the site at 4pm to go home, run errands and make it to volleyball for 6:30pm. Played until 9 and then ate at the diner. Showered for the second time today and now finally in bed. Ill be getting up early tomorrow to do it all over again, with sunblock I hope!
I'm lucky to have time to dip my O sticks! And luckily time to post the pics. Off to bed. I can hardly keep my eyes open.
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Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
It's going to be a long weekend/week!
Well, today is the start of a busy weekend and week. I'm just typing up a quick blog while I have a couple minutes, I'm waiting on Joe to go get a tanker filled up with sealer, then I have to run across the bridge to scout for DOT(Dept of Transportation - aka Troopers waiting to pull over anything and everything in truck form that looks suspicious so they can write lots'o'tickets and get the shit impounded). LOL! It's best to just avoid them to begin with!
Today we are sealing a bunch of driveways in a townhouse type development. At one point a few years ago we actually sealed a bunch of the driveways there as well as all the roadways. Well the community didn't have the money to do all the roads again, but a bunch of the townhouse owners contacted us again to do their driveways. I think we have 8 or so to do and we are going to put fliers up on all the neighbors doors to let them know we are in the area. Hopefully we can spend another day or two next weekend doing more of them.
We also have a huge job this week. We are Cleaning, Cracking, Sealing and Striping a condo complex in Washingtonville. Let me just start out by saying that this place is a TURD. T.U.R.D. There's cracks so big, kids can play with their matchbox cars in them, not to mention is is dirty! There are weeds growing from all the cracks and all along the curbs, the dirt is ridiculous and there's a decent amount of actual garbage floating around. It's sad that they haven't taken the time to take care of the place in all this time. There are more cracks than we can ever fill, so we're doing the best we can and going to hit the major and most important ones, but really, they need a miracle instead! The worst part is going to be the cleaning. Luckily we have to do it in small enough chunks because we need to take parking into consideration. We can only seal so much before it reaks havoc on the people who live there. But at the same time it will take a few extra days because of that too. In the end it shouldn't be too bad and the paycheck from it will be sweeeeeeeeeet.
Well, I'm headed out of here in a couple, it's going to be a long day, but a good day. At some point today I need to get to the store to get some opk's. I hope I can squeeze some time in there!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Not going to lie.
I'm not going to lie, seriously where does it get you in life? Nowhere.
Once upon a time I needed antidepressants. I spent some time in an out-patient program for mentally ill people. Before anyone judges... I was not CRAZY. There were in fact some crazy people in there. That's all I'm allowed to discuss about that. Yes, I had some emotional issues and there were serious things that I never allowed myself to mentally handle. I was a person who seriously just tucked the bad feelings away. I checked myself into this program. The program was sort of like a 'school' of sorts. I'd go from 9am-3/4pm, they taught you coping skills and you got 1 on 1 therapy as well as group therapy in a classroom type setting. In one way I felt like I belonged there, but in many ways in comparison to the others in there, I didn't belong. Keep in mind, this was 6 years ago. That is when I began taking anti-depressants. You name it, I've been on it. Except for Prozac, I was never on that. The 1 on 1 therapy sucked and she just wanted me to talk about my feelings. She didn't ask questions so we sat there a lot. I never found a therapist I liked actually. For 4 years I was on antidepressants. 4 freaking years of medication. I was terrible about keeping up on getting my pills, as I had to drive 20/25mns sometimes just to pick it up and go into the city of Poughkeepsie just to get it filled, it was scary and nervewracking for me. I went in and out of withdrawls several times and it was just plain awful.
In Feb/March 2 years ago I went through something that has changed me forever. I'm not ready to get into exact detail right now, but we were getting ready to leave to go over a friends house and I opened the front door to leave and my precious babygirl Cheyanne (Doberman) ran out into the front yard. She circled the yard several times while I was yelling for her and then she ran into the road and got hit by a car. I'll never forget her scream, and then mine. Never. Ever. I lost her that night and sometimes I think I lost a part of myself. She was my very first dog living out on my own and I think about her constantly.
It was soon after, (days? 1 week?) that I just stopped taking my antidepressants. I had officially had enough and just wanted to stop feeling like a zombie. I don't really remember the withdrawls too much. I honestly think I was in too much emotionally pain to even notice the withdrawls... it's not like the withdrawls aren't noticable either. They. Are. Awful. I wont lie, it wasn't easy for a while not being on the meds and highly suggest anyone else consult a doctor before doing something like that. Never go cold turkey on antidepressants. I didn't feel like I had a doctor that really gave a rats ass about me, that's why I took it into my own hands. I was tired of not feeling like myself, tired of feeling like a zombie. It took my body a long time, nearly 2 full years, to stop having occasional withdrawls. Granted, I was off the meds, but every now and again my body would get sickly again, I would actually have to stay in bed, or lay down somewhere. I couldn't eat, couldn't focus and couldn't drive.
I mention all of this because life is a journey and being through specific things has made me who I am. At one time antidepressants were good for me, it helped me. But in the end I didn't want to rely on them forever. I also mention because last night I had withdrawl symptoms again for the first time in almost 10months. It was weird, and sucked but was luckily brief. Usually they would last a full day, it was only a few hours this time.
One downside to everything is that I think I began to use food to cope when I stopped my pills. I was 130 when I met my husband and I am pretty sure I was up near about 230 at my biggest. I'm roughly 180 or so currently, so I've come a long way. Everyday can be a struggle with food, I'm learning to not use it as comfort, well.. learning not to abuse it. I do pretty good sometimes and other times no so good. One foot in front of the other. I just need to remind myself of my journey and take better care of myself.
I still often get into slumps. But honestly, I feel great most of the time. I'm nothing like i was before and I'm learning to live without Cheyanne. I miss her dearly and she will always be the girl of my dreams.
I hope no one thinks of me differently because of all of this.
It felt good to get it out there.
Once upon a time I needed antidepressants. I spent some time in an out-patient program for mentally ill people. Before anyone judges... I was not CRAZY. There were in fact some crazy people in there. That's all I'm allowed to discuss about that. Yes, I had some emotional issues and there were serious things that I never allowed myself to mentally handle. I was a person who seriously just tucked the bad feelings away. I checked myself into this program. The program was sort of like a 'school' of sorts. I'd go from 9am-3/4pm, they taught you coping skills and you got 1 on 1 therapy as well as group therapy in a classroom type setting. In one way I felt like I belonged there, but in many ways in comparison to the others in there, I didn't belong. Keep in mind, this was 6 years ago. That is when I began taking anti-depressants. You name it, I've been on it. Except for Prozac, I was never on that. The 1 on 1 therapy sucked and she just wanted me to talk about my feelings. She didn't ask questions so we sat there a lot. I never found a therapist I liked actually. For 4 years I was on antidepressants. 4 freaking years of medication. I was terrible about keeping up on getting my pills, as I had to drive 20/25mns sometimes just to pick it up and go into the city of Poughkeepsie just to get it filled, it was scary and nervewracking for me. I went in and out of withdrawls several times and it was just plain awful.
In Feb/March 2 years ago I went through something that has changed me forever. I'm not ready to get into exact detail right now, but we were getting ready to leave to go over a friends house and I opened the front door to leave and my precious babygirl Cheyanne (Doberman) ran out into the front yard. She circled the yard several times while I was yelling for her and then she ran into the road and got hit by a car. I'll never forget her scream, and then mine. Never. Ever. I lost her that night and sometimes I think I lost a part of myself. She was my very first dog living out on my own and I think about her constantly.
It was soon after, (days? 1 week?) that I just stopped taking my antidepressants. I had officially had enough and just wanted to stop feeling like a zombie. I don't really remember the withdrawls too much. I honestly think I was in too much emotionally pain to even notice the withdrawls... it's not like the withdrawls aren't noticable either. They. Are. Awful. I wont lie, it wasn't easy for a while not being on the meds and highly suggest anyone else consult a doctor before doing something like that. Never go cold turkey on antidepressants. I didn't feel like I had a doctor that really gave a rats ass about me, that's why I took it into my own hands. I was tired of not feeling like myself, tired of feeling like a zombie. It took my body a long time, nearly 2 full years, to stop having occasional withdrawls. Granted, I was off the meds, but every now and again my body would get sickly again, I would actually have to stay in bed, or lay down somewhere. I couldn't eat, couldn't focus and couldn't drive.
I mention all of this because life is a journey and being through specific things has made me who I am. At one time antidepressants were good for me, it helped me. But in the end I didn't want to rely on them forever. I also mention because last night I had withdrawl symptoms again for the first time in almost 10months. It was weird, and sucked but was luckily brief. Usually they would last a full day, it was only a few hours this time.
One downside to everything is that I think I began to use food to cope when I stopped my pills. I was 130 when I met my husband and I am pretty sure I was up near about 230 at my biggest. I'm roughly 180 or so currently, so I've come a long way. Everyday can be a struggle with food, I'm learning to not use it as comfort, well.. learning not to abuse it. I do pretty good sometimes and other times no so good. One foot in front of the other. I just need to remind myself of my journey and take better care of myself.
I still often get into slumps. But honestly, I feel great most of the time. I'm nothing like i was before and I'm learning to live without Cheyanne. I miss her dearly and she will always be the girl of my dreams.
I hope no one thinks of me differently because of all of this.
It felt good to get it out there.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Workin hard for my money
So many of the blogs I'm subscribed to are TTC related. I hope I don't drive you ladies nuts with my randomness and boring blogging about my life.
In any case, I haven't had much of a chance to blog much lately because I've been working a lot. Working helps keep my mind off of a lot of things going on. I'll admit I've been a little stressed out lately, but working and keeping busy has been pretty wonderful. Oh and considering my computer decides to have an attitude occasionally and wont turn on, blogging from my phone can be a little tedious.
I've been on the road with my husband working. We currently have no more employees. It's just him and I. For right now that's what is working best, why pay out when we can do it ourselves and make more money? I'm completely aware that at some point I'm not going to be able to crack fill, clean, sealcoat and line stripe parking lots and driveways. (or at least I hope!!) But in the meantime, I'm out there doing my thang! Pretty soon it will be winter and we will be plowing snow and shoveling sidewalks. Luckily we are taking applications and resumes for employees.
I definitely like working with Joe. Side by side we both have our best interests in mind and we don't dick off. We are out there working hard for the same goals and we make a great team. I like the fact that we can both, in a way, turn off the fact that we are married to get the job done... but at the same time we work better because we are a couple. I'm not sure if that made any sense!
So, I'm awaiting my SS reciever to get her final card in the mail. I'm excited because I hope she loves it. I think she will. I'm also stoked to start this next round which is color themed. Granted the color of the person I recieved is the one color I dislike - LOL - but it will be fun nonetheless. I'm going to send so much of this color, even I'll learn to like it! <3
Tomorrow I'm signing up for Volleyball. I think we are actually going to play tomorrow too. I'm excited and nervous all at once. I'm pretty out of shape, and I dont know anyone else there, but I played in highschool so I know what to expect... somewhat...
Well, that's all I've got for now.
In any case, I haven't had much of a chance to blog much lately because I've been working a lot. Working helps keep my mind off of a lot of things going on. I'll admit I've been a little stressed out lately, but working and keeping busy has been pretty wonderful. Oh and considering my computer decides to have an attitude occasionally and wont turn on, blogging from my phone can be a little tedious.
I've been on the road with my husband working. We currently have no more employees. It's just him and I. For right now that's what is working best, why pay out when we can do it ourselves and make more money? I'm completely aware that at some point I'm not going to be able to crack fill, clean, sealcoat and line stripe parking lots and driveways. (or at least I hope!!) But in the meantime, I'm out there doing my thang! Pretty soon it will be winter and we will be plowing snow and shoveling sidewalks. Luckily we are taking applications and resumes for employees.
I definitely like working with Joe. Side by side we both have our best interests in mind and we don't dick off. We are out there working hard for the same goals and we make a great team. I like the fact that we can both, in a way, turn off the fact that we are married to get the job done... but at the same time we work better because we are a couple. I'm not sure if that made any sense!
So, I'm awaiting my SS reciever to get her final card in the mail. I'm excited because I hope she loves it. I think she will. I'm also stoked to start this next round which is color themed. Granted the color of the person I recieved is the one color I dislike - LOL - but it will be fun nonetheless. I'm going to send so much of this color, even I'll learn to like it! <3
Tomorrow I'm signing up for Volleyball. I think we are actually going to play tomorrow too. I'm excited and nervous all at once. I'm pretty out of shape, and I dont know anyone else there, but I played in highschool so I know what to expect... somewhat...
Well, that's all I've got for now.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
dirty dogs
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Saturday, September 11, 2010
She's moving.
My best friend is moving today. She’s not moving across town. She’s not moving another town over, nor is she moving another county away. My best friend is moving 700 miles away. Today isn’t a good day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.
Why does history repeat itself? Its old and I’ve had enough.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Baby stash
Hi, my name is Yvonne and I officially have a baby stash.
Last night Joe and I went out to walmart because we needed a few odds and ends and I told him I needed a baby fix. The walmart in town has a dissapointing baby department. Another walmart just over the river has a better, bigger selection. I ONLY bought a little white onsie with stars on it. Today I was out and about with my best friend and we went to Target and I picked up the cute giraffe stuffed animal that plays a tune because A. I didnt get it last time I was there and B. it was finally on sale! Joe and I both loved it when we saw it the first time. Marissa and I went to Kohls to check out their baby dept. O.M.G. !! I love, love love Kohls baby dept. YES, some things seem overpriced and I've seen similar "Carter's" baby clothes cheaper, the same exact items. BUT!! They had a huge sale going on and I got some awesome CUTE stuff for half price, so they were more reasonable.
So now, between the stuff Joe had bought a few months ago, and the odds and ends I have picked up, I officially have a baby stash <3 Now it's just a matter of getting that BFP! <3
Last night Joe and I went out to walmart because we needed a few odds and ends and I told him I needed a baby fix. The walmart in town has a dissapointing baby department. Another walmart just over the river has a better, bigger selection. I ONLY bought a little white onsie with stars on it. Today I was out and about with my best friend and we went to Target and I picked up the cute giraffe stuffed animal that plays a tune because A. I didnt get it last time I was there and B. it was finally on sale! Joe and I both loved it when we saw it the first time. Marissa and I went to Kohls to check out their baby dept. O.M.G. !! I love, love love Kohls baby dept. YES, some things seem overpriced and I've seen similar "Carter's" baby clothes cheaper, the same exact items. BUT!! They had a huge sale going on and I got some awesome CUTE stuff for half price, so they were more reasonable.
So now, between the stuff Joe had bought a few months ago, and the odds and ends I have picked up, I officially have a baby stash <3 Now it's just a matter of getting that BFP! <3
apparently im lame
apparently im lame because real life responsibilities get in the way of things i want to do for fun...
horray for being an adult and responsible..........
horray for being an adult and responsible..........
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Tuesday, September 7, 2010
CD2
So, it's CD2 (cycle day 2) At least that's what I assume, AF came last night. I'm not going to lie, it hurts. It aches. Little by little I'm learning that if I don't get my hopes up, or get my hopes up less, it hurts less. This is true, but even if I'm completely non-hopeful (is that a word?) it's still going to hurt. I think I'm going to temp this month (temping is taking your temperature at the same time every morning when you first wake up). But honestly, I dont really know if I want to get that in depth with it. I do not OPK.(Ovulation predictor kit) I have a good idea of when I O and when to BD. I figured it would just happen by doing that. Sure we haven't REALLY been trying except for the past few months, 3 cycles? 4? But I've been off my birthcontrol since the last week in December. It amazes me that some teenagers can breathe on a penis and get pregnant! (I dont mean this as an insult, don't take it as one, my mom had my sister at 16. My sister is 40 and my mom is 56. I'm 26 lol) Shoot, I even waited to have sex for the first time because my mom was pregnant young. I was 17. JUST IN CASE. Which is why I figured it would happen quick. Well, it's not happening quick and little by little that realization is sinking in and I'm getting used to it. It WILL happen and I NEED to be somewhat patient. Joe was actually bummed last night when I told him AF came, at least this time he really made it known he was bummed she came. I thought that was cool and sweet and showed me how much he is also looking forward to this.
I'm back, obviously, from my weekend getaway. I had a lot of fun but I REALLY missed home. This was the longest I was away since I left for a while when things got bad between Joe and I. Being away makes me miss him so much and makes me just want to be home! Granted I had a good time when I was away, it's just not the same without him. It's going to be tough because I'm leaving for just about a week next month for my Salmon Fishing trip is Pulaski NY. THAT'S going to be hard without him!
Well, I'm off to take care of some things around the house. This place is such a disaster. It's sooo good to be home!!
I'm back, obviously, from my weekend getaway. I had a lot of fun but I REALLY missed home. This was the longest I was away since I left for a while when things got bad between Joe and I. Being away makes me miss him so much and makes me just want to be home! Granted I had a good time when I was away, it's just not the same without him. It's going to be tough because I'm leaving for just about a week next month for my Salmon Fishing trip is Pulaski NY. THAT'S going to be hard without him!
Well, I'm off to take care of some things around the house. This place is such a disaster. It's sooo good to be home!!
Friday, September 3, 2010
on vaca
so, im on a mini vaca until monday evening.
no sign of AF, didnt test this morning bc i tested all week with bfn's. so frustrating and i swear i had an emotional breakdown earlier.
im avoiding TMP bc its making me more depressed for some reason.
i assume af is on her way.
i just want to go home, snuggle with my husband and dogs and cry some more.
i refuse to test anymore. just going to chalk this month up as yet another reproductive failure.
no sign of AF, didnt test this morning bc i tested all week with bfn's. so frustrating and i swear i had an emotional breakdown earlier.
im avoiding TMP bc its making me more depressed for some reason.
i assume af is on her way.
i just want to go home, snuggle with my husband and dogs and cry some more.
i refuse to test anymore. just going to chalk this month up as yet another reproductive failure.
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Friday, August 27, 2010
Finally back to blog.
Well, it's been a hectic couple of days.
I attempted to update earlier today from my phone but for some reason I was having trouble with the app on my new phone. I FINALLY recieved my replacement Droid and got it up and running but was still in the process of downloading all the apps I had on the other one. Funny, blogger wouldn't work for anything! Did I mention my laptop didn't want to turn on for a few days? I finally got that working the other day.
Last night we had our final game, it was playoffs but since our team isn't very good and we ended up playing against the #2 team by previous team forfeits and cancellations from all the rain. The score ended up being 47 to 1. Yeh, really. It was a lot of fun and almost sad it's over. There are talks of "Fall Ball" being Sunday afternoons during the fall. I might sign up for it, but I'm not sure. I was even considering the idea of Volleyball that starts in October. My only concern is IF I do end up pregnant in the meantime? But on the other hand, if I don't sign up, and getting pregnant takes longer than I had anticipated... I don't want to cheat myself out of something I love (Volleyball). Ya know? I'll give it some time I suppose. Registration hasn't started yet.
Today I got up bright and ugly - 7am, got up, let the dogs out/in and curled up with Joe to snuggle and I fell back asleep (oopsies) until 8:30. I went to Lowes and went to the jobsite we've tried working on, until it rained for the past week straight! We did a little concrete patch and paint the walkway and stairs. We FINALLY finished it. Thank goodness!
We have a crack filling and linestriping job tomorrow and possibly Sunday. My mom is coming out tomorrow afternoon to go to the fair. She came last year, the fair is a lot of fun. My favorite parts are the animals and the food lol! Last year we got to see Jullianne Hough sing/perform, for free, in the 7/8th row. It was pretty cool!
Well, I'm officially 7dpo (days past ovulation). My little ticker on TMP says I can test in 6 days. I think I'm going to test in 7 days. Friday the 3rd. I'm undecided between Thurs or Fri. Thurs Joe will be around because it's before I leave for my little mini vaca with the family, Friday I'll already be there. Gah. I dont know. I've been kinda achey/crampy, not as irritable as usual but my lower back is kinda sore. We'll see. I can only hope for the best at this point.
I attempted to update earlier today from my phone but for some reason I was having trouble with the app on my new phone. I FINALLY recieved my replacement Droid and got it up and running but was still in the process of downloading all the apps I had on the other one. Funny, blogger wouldn't work for anything! Did I mention my laptop didn't want to turn on for a few days? I finally got that working the other day.
Last night we had our final game, it was playoffs but since our team isn't very good and we ended up playing against the #2 team by previous team forfeits and cancellations from all the rain. The score ended up being 47 to 1. Yeh, really. It was a lot of fun and almost sad it's over. There are talks of "Fall Ball" being Sunday afternoons during the fall. I might sign up for it, but I'm not sure. I was even considering the idea of Volleyball that starts in October. My only concern is IF I do end up pregnant in the meantime? But on the other hand, if I don't sign up, and getting pregnant takes longer than I had anticipated... I don't want to cheat myself out of something I love (Volleyball). Ya know? I'll give it some time I suppose. Registration hasn't started yet.
Today I got up bright and ugly - 7am, got up, let the dogs out/in and curled up with Joe to snuggle and I fell back asleep (oopsies) until 8:30. I went to Lowes and went to the jobsite we've tried working on, until it rained for the past week straight! We did a little concrete patch and paint the walkway and stairs. We FINALLY finished it. Thank goodness!
We have a crack filling and linestriping job tomorrow and possibly Sunday. My mom is coming out tomorrow afternoon to go to the fair. She came last year, the fair is a lot of fun. My favorite parts are the animals and the food lol! Last year we got to see Jullianne Hough sing/perform, for free, in the 7/8th row. It was pretty cool!
Well, I'm officially 7dpo (days past ovulation). My little ticker on TMP says I can test in 6 days. I think I'm going to test in 7 days. Friday the 3rd. I'm undecided between Thurs or Fri. Thurs Joe will be around because it's before I leave for my little mini vaca with the family, Friday I'll already be there. Gah. I dont know. I've been kinda achey/crampy, not as irritable as usual but my lower back is kinda sore. We'll see. I can only hope for the best at this point.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
What. A. Day.
Today was crazy. I think crazy is an understatement.
I hate when I sleep in, but I could not for the life of me fall asleep last night. I think I finally fell asleep around 3am. So, by the time I wake up, make a cup of coffee and heat up some homemade chicken soup I made yesterday, my husband calls me and needs me to run some errands. Keep in mind, I thought it was just to sign some paperwork and pick up some insurance cards that is roughly 20 minutes away. Turns out I had to goto the bank to get some cash from a check that didn't clear yet, finally get that settled, go pick up the insurance cards and goto my favorite place in the world... DMV! I HATE DMV! We've had so many DMV issues lately with all the company vehicles. DMV sends my anxiety out of control. But surprisingly it all went well without a hitch which made me so happy! So, $505.06 later I have license plates (the new ugly state plates) for my FIL's GMC Envoy. My husband was running an errand to pick up the back hatch glass to replace the glass my FIL busted out the previous glass. The goal today was to get my FIL's Envoy on the road, glass put back in, and dropping the ridiculous thing off so my FIL can get off DH's ass. I get back with the registration, insurance and plates and Joe has the glass. Wouldn't you know the glass just has to be a royal pain. We had to unbolt the actual back hatch just to attempt to get the pins in to hold the glass on. The second pin wouldn't go through. Then the glass part of the hatch closed and the release button on the back isn't working. The hatch and the glass aren't going anywhere and with my FIL getting nasty on the phone, we just wanted to get it over to his house. As we're picking up the tools and closing up the truck, the back passenger door wont shut. It closes, but it wont latch shut. Seriously. We can't make this stuff up. So the day's stresses and work went pretty much all for nothing. Patience is a virtue. My virtue was tested today hardcore.
Another thing to add to my to do list is building a second chicken coop. The silkie chicks I got that are in my front room are getting too big for the cages they're in. I've already got one chicken coop and aviary type enclosure but the chickens in there are mix breed birds. The Silkie birds are a little bit fancier and should ideally be kept seperate. The other birds might pick on these guys too. I have two older Silkies already in with the mixed breed birds, they need to go in the second coop, they hold their own, but the rooster I just rehomed did not like the white Silkie, I think the white Silkie is a rooster, he's just not old enough to crow just yet. Here's a pic of them, the two Silkies outside are the black and white birds on the right, the rest are the mixed breed.
Well, just another thing on the to do list lol
To top the rest of the day off since it wasnt crappy enough... We ran out of oil so Joe ran out for 5 gallons to hold us off until we can get a delivery. He went in the ultra creepy basement to start the furnace up, since it was cranky and started to smoke I opened up the basement door to the dog yard so I could air it out and the basement door's hinges rotted off from the door frame.
I showered, made a cup of sleepytime tea and climbed into bed. I can't wait to just goto sleep and try again tomorrow...
Well, that's all for now... DH decided now is a good time to jump up and down on the bed... naked.
THIS is why we dont have kids yet LOL, he IS a kid.
I love that man.
I hate when I sleep in, but I could not for the life of me fall asleep last night. I think I finally fell asleep around 3am. So, by the time I wake up, make a cup of coffee and heat up some homemade chicken soup I made yesterday, my husband calls me and needs me to run some errands. Keep in mind, I thought it was just to sign some paperwork and pick up some insurance cards that is roughly 20 minutes away. Turns out I had to goto the bank to get some cash from a check that didn't clear yet, finally get that settled, go pick up the insurance cards and goto my favorite place in the world... DMV! I HATE DMV! We've had so many DMV issues lately with all the company vehicles. DMV sends my anxiety out of control. But surprisingly it all went well without a hitch which made me so happy! So, $505.06 later I have license plates (the new ugly state plates) for my FIL's GMC Envoy. My husband was running an errand to pick up the back hatch glass to replace the glass my FIL busted out the previous glass. The goal today was to get my FIL's Envoy on the road, glass put back in, and dropping the ridiculous thing off so my FIL can get off DH's ass. I get back with the registration, insurance and plates and Joe has the glass. Wouldn't you know the glass just has to be a royal pain. We had to unbolt the actual back hatch just to attempt to get the pins in to hold the glass on. The second pin wouldn't go through. Then the glass part of the hatch closed and the release button on the back isn't working. The hatch and the glass aren't going anywhere and with my FIL getting nasty on the phone, we just wanted to get it over to his house. As we're picking up the tools and closing up the truck, the back passenger door wont shut. It closes, but it wont latch shut. Seriously. We can't make this stuff up. So the day's stresses and work went pretty much all for nothing. Patience is a virtue. My virtue was tested today hardcore.
Another thing to add to my to do list is building a second chicken coop. The silkie chicks I got that are in my front room are getting too big for the cages they're in. I've already got one chicken coop and aviary type enclosure but the chickens in there are mix breed birds. The Silkie birds are a little bit fancier and should ideally be kept seperate. The other birds might pick on these guys too. I have two older Silkies already in with the mixed breed birds, they need to go in the second coop, they hold their own, but the rooster I just rehomed did not like the white Silkie, I think the white Silkie is a rooster, he's just not old enough to crow just yet. Here's a pic of them, the two Silkies outside are the black and white birds on the right, the rest are the mixed breed.
Well, just another thing on the to do list lol
To top the rest of the day off since it wasnt crappy enough... We ran out of oil so Joe ran out for 5 gallons to hold us off until we can get a delivery. He went in the ultra creepy basement to start the furnace up, since it was cranky and started to smoke I opened up the basement door to the dog yard so I could air it out and the basement door's hinges rotted off from the door frame.
I showered, made a cup of sleepytime tea and climbed into bed. I can't wait to just goto sleep and try again tomorrow...
Well, that's all for now... DH decided now is a good time to jump up and down on the bed... naked.
THIS is why we dont have kids yet LOL, he IS a kid.
I love that man.
The highlight of my day.
On TMP (The Mommy Playbook) I signed up for the SS (Secret Sender) that's currently going on. This round is where we send greeting cards via snail mail, emails and e-cards of support to fellow TTC'ers and such on the site. I don't know who go me, while the person I have that I'm mailing to doesn't know who I am. Well, I got my first snail mail card and it was PERFECT. It really cheered me up today and today was a perfect day for it. Today has been utterly stressful and I just want to crawl into pj's and bed and cry myself to sleep. But that's for another post, maybe.
Here's a pic of the card I got! <3
Here's a pic of the card I got! <3
Chelsea Lately.
I don't really have much to blog about tonight, I'm just relaxing in bed with Chelsea Lately on in the backround. I love that woman, she's hilarious. Loni Love is pretty funny too.
Today I shipped off the box of baby stuff to my cousin, I think she'll like the things I got for her. I had fun shopping for it. After I dropped off the box at the post office I ran over to Verizon Wireless. I have been having an issue with my Droid ever since I downloaded the software update the other day. Whenever I try to slide the keyboard out it freezes my phone. Mike, the guy at the service counter, tried a "patch" they put out for some of the little glitches that came with the new update, it didn't work. Then he did a complete factory reset, it didn't work. I got the phone in February and my worst fear was that it would cost me significant money to fix or replace it or I'd get screwed and just deal with a phone that does not work properly. BUT, it's within one year so they are shipping me a brand new Droid! It'll be here tomorrow or the day after, I'm sooo happy about that!!
While he was trying to reset my phone I went across the street to Adam's which is a local store, they have 3 locations here and 1 more being built. They get a LOT of local items and lots of local produce. It's a great store and they have amazing prices for produce and meat... some of the regular stuff is pretty expensive, like pasta sauce, soda, salad dressings... that sort of thing. Needless to say I spent $30 and walked out with a ton of things. I ended up making homemade chicken soup later on today because chicken was .59 a lb.
Today was also my FIL's 65th bday, waahoo Medicare, lmao. My husband worked the PD tonight until 8pm then picked me up and we went shopping for some clothes for his dad as he NEVER buys himself clothes and some of his things are looking a little ratty. We got him 4 pairs of jeans, 4 button up shirts, a 4 pack of pocket t's and a 13pk of white hankerchiefs. He's an old guy, he uses tons of those! LOL I think he'll appreciate it, at least I sure hope so. We were on our way to his house (he is a night owl, his hours are reversed compared to anyone else) and he called Joe and I guess wasn't in the mood for company, no matter how briefly. I was a little dissapointed. I think Joe was too, which sucks. Joe does so much for everyone and rarely gets any significant appreciation for it. A lot of it I'm not going to bother getting into at this point. I'm sure little by little I'll mention it here and there, mostly venting about it.
So, something about me that not many people know about is that my husband and I are TTC. (TTC = trying to concieve) Bare with me if I end up using many of the TTC/online terms for some things. I'll do my best not to, or to at least explain them. I'm sure someone will, at some point, read this. I stopped my birth control (BC) at the very end of December 2009. The past couple months, I'd say since June, we've actively been trying. It's a lot harder than I figured. Some people seem to get pregnant with the drop of a hat! Then there are many people who try, try, try. I don't really have all that many people IRL (in real life) that know we are TTC. Marissa, my best friend knows. My softball team knows. (Joe sponsors the team I play on, I joined bc our mutual friend Vicky asked me to.) And then Marissa suggested I join a forum so I have people to talk to, chat with, get advice from and somewhere to get questions answered. So I googled something like "TTC forum" and the site I ended up joining was right at the top of the list. I looked at a couple threads and immediately knew that that was the place for me. I joined July 28th. I'm so glad I did. Joe teases me from time to time because he is on similar style forums but they are geared towards contractors, one he has been on for forever is "lawnsite." He used to own a landscaping company but sold it, but he still goes on the site. So ultimately, my forum is a very of my "lawnsite." I love that man! He's adorable. The Mommy Playbook has been so helpful and it is full of wonderful and supportive women on there. I'm so thankful to have found it.
I guess that's all for tonight. I'm going to go see whats going on at TMP and goto sleep. Joe is so adorable laying in bed next to me snoozing. I love that man.
Today I shipped off the box of baby stuff to my cousin, I think she'll like the things I got for her. I had fun shopping for it. After I dropped off the box at the post office I ran over to Verizon Wireless. I have been having an issue with my Droid ever since I downloaded the software update the other day. Whenever I try to slide the keyboard out it freezes my phone. Mike, the guy at the service counter, tried a "patch" they put out for some of the little glitches that came with the new update, it didn't work. Then he did a complete factory reset, it didn't work. I got the phone in February and my worst fear was that it would cost me significant money to fix or replace it or I'd get screwed and just deal with a phone that does not work properly. BUT, it's within one year so they are shipping me a brand new Droid! It'll be here tomorrow or the day after, I'm sooo happy about that!!
While he was trying to reset my phone I went across the street to Adam's which is a local store, they have 3 locations here and 1 more being built. They get a LOT of local items and lots of local produce. It's a great store and they have amazing prices for produce and meat... some of the regular stuff is pretty expensive, like pasta sauce, soda, salad dressings... that sort of thing. Needless to say I spent $30 and walked out with a ton of things. I ended up making homemade chicken soup later on today because chicken was .59 a lb.
Today was also my FIL's 65th bday, waahoo Medicare, lmao. My husband worked the PD tonight until 8pm then picked me up and we went shopping for some clothes for his dad as he NEVER buys himself clothes and some of his things are looking a little ratty. We got him 4 pairs of jeans, 4 button up shirts, a 4 pack of pocket t's and a 13pk of white hankerchiefs. He's an old guy, he uses tons of those! LOL I think he'll appreciate it, at least I sure hope so. We were on our way to his house (he is a night owl, his hours are reversed compared to anyone else) and he called Joe and I guess wasn't in the mood for company, no matter how briefly. I was a little dissapointed. I think Joe was too, which sucks. Joe does so much for everyone and rarely gets any significant appreciation for it. A lot of it I'm not going to bother getting into at this point. I'm sure little by little I'll mention it here and there, mostly venting about it.
So, something about me that not many people know about is that my husband and I are TTC. (TTC = trying to concieve) Bare with me if I end up using many of the TTC/online terms for some things. I'll do my best not to, or to at least explain them. I'm sure someone will, at some point, read this. I stopped my birth control (BC) at the very end of December 2009. The past couple months, I'd say since June, we've actively been trying. It's a lot harder than I figured. Some people seem to get pregnant with the drop of a hat! Then there are many people who try, try, try. I don't really have all that many people IRL (in real life) that know we are TTC. Marissa, my best friend knows. My softball team knows. (Joe sponsors the team I play on, I joined bc our mutual friend Vicky asked me to.) And then Marissa suggested I join a forum so I have people to talk to, chat with, get advice from and somewhere to get questions answered. So I googled something like "TTC forum" and the site I ended up joining was right at the top of the list. I looked at a couple threads and immediately knew that that was the place for me. I joined July 28th. I'm so glad I did. Joe teases me from time to time because he is on similar style forums but they are geared towards contractors, one he has been on for forever is "lawnsite." He used to own a landscaping company but sold it, but he still goes on the site. So ultimately, my forum is a very of my "lawnsite." I love that man! He's adorable. The Mommy Playbook has been so helpful and it is full of wonderful and supportive women on there. I'm so thankful to have found it.
I guess that's all for tonight. I'm going to go see whats going on at TMP and goto sleep. Joe is so adorable laying in bed next to me snoozing. I love that man.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Outlet.
Ok, I've made this blog to have some sort of outlet to get out my thoughts and ideas, well, more thoughts than anything. I had/have a tumblr but got rid of it. I didn't like it. I have yet to determine if I really want to share this with anyone. I mean, if you think about it, we all hide a little bit of ourselves from everyone. There are some things that I just don't say outloud, it's usually better off that way. It keeps me out of trouble. Which is why I don't know if I want to share this with anyone I know. Do I just keep it completely random? Will that give me more freedom to expand on topics? Reveal how I feel about certin things or is that just reading into it way too much? Who the hell knows.
Well, today is a rainy Monday morning. I didn't get to sleep until about 3am and woke up at 9:30am because the Cintas uniform guy was here and I forgot to leave the dirty uniforms outside for him to pickup. I had them all ready but I guess I forgot and didn't think to do it because it was raining a lot last night. I will admit, if I don't need to go on the road I tend to sleep in a little bit. I often have a hard time going to sleep at night which is what ultimately causes me to sleep in. It's a tough habit to break, but I'm working on it... slowly.
On today's agenda... I need to run out to the post office to mail a package out to my cousin. Her baby shower was yesterday and I was originally going to go but I was having truck issues. My husband and I went out shopping last night to Target. Let's just say, I LOVE baby shopping. It was really fun doing it with him and we spent forever in the baby department! I had a hard time not buying two of everything! One for me, one for her! So we picked up some cute onsies, hooded towels, the mommy hook, a teether, pacifier wipes, baby wipes and some other random items. I at least was able to review the baby registry she had on Babies R' Us which was helpful, but I don't have one of those stores here that isn't 25minutes away from my house. I enjoyed doing the shopping because it really scratched that baby itch I've got going on.
We also bought one of those Keurig coffee machines. We used to rent one for the office a year ago and we absolutely loved it, my husband has been wanting to get one for some time now, but I haven't been able to set aside $110 and the time to pick one up for him. Any money I usually get goes right to groceries and critter food! I hate spending money. But we finally got one and we both are very happy with it. We picked up a box of the breakfast blend, but I also need to get some decaf. Joe often just drinks a regular coffee at night, then he's up really late. Not good. He even did it last night, he even commented on how he couldn't sleep and then 5 minutes later I heard him snoring. He's adorable!
So, post office today, then I really need to stop procrastinating and actually make some progress on laundry. I've been doing it, but then I'll leave a washed and dried load in the dryer for a day. Or when I set up shop on my bed to fold everything, I'll get lazy and put all the folded stuff in a basket next to the bed. I need to cut that out! lol
Little by little we've been working around the house. We bought our house as a temporary fixer upper. But we're nearly at the four year mark already. We fixed up the house so it was livable but the time has come where we need to paint the house again. Keep in mind we have 2 Great Danes who used to be COMPLETELY unruly. Max, the younger Dane has what I refer to as "happy tail syndrome." He gets so excited and happy that he wags his tail so hard that his splits open the tip of it to the point of it bleeding and hitting the walls and I do believe he has even broken it on occasion. It doesn't bother him much unless it's severely busted. I do my best to bandage him up but it's not always successful. Needless to say our back hallway that leads out to the back yard and dog area was a mess, the doors and trim which make up 96% of the back hall were painted white. Big mistake. We've recently repainted it all so the doors and trim are a dark brown and the walls are a lighter brown/tan. We are putting up a piece of paneling and trim to cover the lower half of the wall where they chewed the drywall. Bad dogs. Luckily they've gotten better. We are going to be painting the bathroom and kitchen the same colors. The bathroom doesn't need much prep work like the kitchen needs. I need to take all the small appliances out and everything off the counters in the kitchen because we need to sand down the drywall first before we can paint. I think the ceiling also needs a good scraping first.
Just seeing the little bit of progress we've made in the back hall makes such a difference. I'm finally feeling better about the house. It's going to take some time, a lot of de-cluttering, dumpster filling and work and cleaning to get this place back into shape, but I'm looking forward to it.
Well, today is a rainy Monday morning. I didn't get to sleep until about 3am and woke up at 9:30am because the Cintas uniform guy was here and I forgot to leave the dirty uniforms outside for him to pickup. I had them all ready but I guess I forgot and didn't think to do it because it was raining a lot last night. I will admit, if I don't need to go on the road I tend to sleep in a little bit. I often have a hard time going to sleep at night which is what ultimately causes me to sleep in. It's a tough habit to break, but I'm working on it... slowly.
On today's agenda... I need to run out to the post office to mail a package out to my cousin. Her baby shower was yesterday and I was originally going to go but I was having truck issues. My husband and I went out shopping last night to Target. Let's just say, I LOVE baby shopping. It was really fun doing it with him and we spent forever in the baby department! I had a hard time not buying two of everything! One for me, one for her! So we picked up some cute onsies, hooded towels, the mommy hook, a teether, pacifier wipes, baby wipes and some other random items. I at least was able to review the baby registry she had on Babies R' Us which was helpful, but I don't have one of those stores here that isn't 25minutes away from my house. I enjoyed doing the shopping because it really scratched that baby itch I've got going on.
We also bought one of those Keurig coffee machines. We used to rent one for the office a year ago and we absolutely loved it, my husband has been wanting to get one for some time now, but I haven't been able to set aside $110 and the time to pick one up for him. Any money I usually get goes right to groceries and critter food! I hate spending money. But we finally got one and we both are very happy with it. We picked up a box of the breakfast blend, but I also need to get some decaf. Joe often just drinks a regular coffee at night, then he's up really late. Not good. He even did it last night, he even commented on how he couldn't sleep and then 5 minutes later I heard him snoring. He's adorable!
So, post office today, then I really need to stop procrastinating and actually make some progress on laundry. I've been doing it, but then I'll leave a washed and dried load in the dryer for a day. Or when I set up shop on my bed to fold everything, I'll get lazy and put all the folded stuff in a basket next to the bed. I need to cut that out! lol
Little by little we've been working around the house. We bought our house as a temporary fixer upper. But we're nearly at the four year mark already. We fixed up the house so it was livable but the time has come where we need to paint the house again. Keep in mind we have 2 Great Danes who used to be COMPLETELY unruly. Max, the younger Dane has what I refer to as "happy tail syndrome." He gets so excited and happy that he wags his tail so hard that his splits open the tip of it to the point of it bleeding and hitting the walls and I do believe he has even broken it on occasion. It doesn't bother him much unless it's severely busted. I do my best to bandage him up but it's not always successful. Needless to say our back hallway that leads out to the back yard and dog area was a mess, the doors and trim which make up 96% of the back hall were painted white. Big mistake. We've recently repainted it all so the doors and trim are a dark brown and the walls are a lighter brown/tan. We are putting up a piece of paneling and trim to cover the lower half of the wall where they chewed the drywall. Bad dogs. Luckily they've gotten better. We are going to be painting the bathroom and kitchen the same colors. The bathroom doesn't need much prep work like the kitchen needs. I need to take all the small appliances out and everything off the counters in the kitchen because we need to sand down the drywall first before we can paint. I think the ceiling also needs a good scraping first.
Just seeing the little bit of progress we've made in the back hall makes such a difference. I'm finally feeling better about the house. It's going to take some time, a lot of de-cluttering, dumpster filling and work and cleaning to get this place back into shape, but I'm looking forward to it.
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