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Saturday, April 16, 2011
today was the day
My husband was supposed to get on a plane a little while ago. Traffic and delta airlines are keeping him since he missed the flight. I just want my husband home! Grr!
Friday, April 15, 2011
The weather today is incredible. I had to switch sites since the one I was in had someone arriving today, luckily I was able to get another spot for today until Thursday! Unlucky for me it was pouring and windy and thundering when I woke up! I did however get my site cleaned up and packed the day before. I only needed to get the grill, Max's bowls and unhook the electric and water. While unhooking the electric an older gentleman had walked over to see if I needed any help, what a sweetheart. I love the south and apparently word travels since G next door was the only one who knew what my situation was :) I was able to pack up and move no problem and walk back with Max in the pouring rain to get the pickup.
Once we were parked in our new spot I packed Max back in the truck and we went to Walmart. I worry leaving him at the camper bc he barks and escaped that one night. So he ends up barking his face off in the truck while I run in since I didn't have milk for my coffee. We got back and I made breakfast and had my much needed coffee. I did notice that the new comers are in my old spot already. I'm glad I was pretty well ready to go last night.
My husband is coming home tomorrow!! I have to pick him up at the airport at 4:30 tomorrow. Gah! I'm so excited! I'm going to finish cleaning the RV, even though it will just get wrecked with him here lol. Hopefully we can stop by and take a peek at the house I found that is rent to own. I hope its nice. Who knows, maybe it will work out?
On the ttc front of my ntnp cycle, I had some ewcm last night. I'm sure I'm due to O soon. All I know is I'm going to show my dh how much I missed him and just let the cards fall as they may.
Once we were parked in our new spot I packed Max back in the truck and we went to Walmart. I worry leaving him at the camper bc he barks and escaped that one night. So he ends up barking his face off in the truck while I run in since I didn't have milk for my coffee. We got back and I made breakfast and had my much needed coffee. I did notice that the new comers are in my old spot already. I'm glad I was pretty well ready to go last night.
My husband is coming home tomorrow!! I have to pick him up at the airport at 4:30 tomorrow. Gah! I'm so excited! I'm going to finish cleaning the RV, even though it will just get wrecked with him here lol. Hopefully we can stop by and take a peek at the house I found that is rent to own. I hope its nice. Who knows, maybe it will work out?
On the ttc front of my ntnp cycle, I had some ewcm last night. I'm sure I'm due to O soon. All I know is I'm going to show my dh how much I missed him and just let the cards fall as they may.
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I'm back
Ok. Im going to be posting here again. Most will be the same as my other blog and im doing it all by cell phone until we find a house to rent. We have no internet where we are, no cable either but its pretty nice :)
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Sunday, February 20, 2011
Dear TWW,
You are horrible.
I’m only roughly 6/7dpo as I got positive opks on Sunday/Monday last week. My nipples have been SORE! Sore, sensitive and achy. Maybe? Please? My hopes really aren’t too high since I’m sure it will take a few months for my body to get back on track, even if it’s been 3 months since the D&C. Sometimes I tend to forget this is only my 2nd cycle since everything happened.
My fingers are crossed!
I’m only roughly 6/7dpo as I got positive opks on Sunday/Monday last week. My nipples have been SORE! Sore, sensitive and achy. Maybe? Please? My hopes really aren’t too high since I’m sure it will take a few months for my body to get back on track, even if it’s been 3 months since the D&C. Sometimes I tend to forget this is only my 2nd cycle since everything happened.
My fingers are crossed!
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Monday, November 15, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
forgive me as i update my tumblr more than this via my cell. yfeuer is my tumblr name.
Against my better judgement right now I think I'm going to attempt to blog what's been going on.
Let me start off by saying that none of this is on fb right now. So if you're anonamously stalking me here but are friends with me on fb, I would greatly appreciate it if you asked me privately about what's going on. I do not have all the facts right now and I do not want to cause a stir and worry some people that don't need to be worried right now. This process is on going and I need to vent and document what is going on. Just putting a disclaimer out there!
On Thursday I had my long awaited first ultrasound to date my pregnancy and my first nurse visit for family history and such. I was super excited about it and couldn't wait to see our baby for the first time. I brought Joe with me so we could experience it together.
We went into the ultrasound room with the tech, she left so I could get undressed from the bottom down for my transvaginal ultrasound. She asked me some questions about my period, just primarily when my last menstrual period (LMP-first day of my last period) was. So she started the ultrasound and located where the baby should be and we saw the tiny little blob of a baby. She began taking pictures and printing them. She asked me again my LMP and said the baby was measuring 6w. That's when a few tears streaked my face for the first time. She moved around the 'wand' a lot trying to get a good view of the baby. She took roughly 10-15 photos of the baby and my ovaries. I told her I was having some pain on my right side and she confirmed what I had thought it to be which was a cyst measuring between half an inch to an inch. Cysts are normal for me and she said its normal to get them and they "help support a pregnancy until about 12w." Whatever that means. At one point I did catch her scrunch her nose and turn her head sideways at the monitor. She then commented about "fall allergies" - I wasn't buying it. She finished the ultrasound and began putting in notes, I glanced over to see her type in "no fetal heartbeat detected" so I began to cry some more. She finished and said she was going to see if the doctor there that day could look at my ultrasound pictures and come talk to me. I thought that was a little weird.
After I was dressed they moved me to the exam room next door to the ultrasound room to wait for the dr. I was a little worried for a few reasons. 1. I was going to be late for my 10am nurse appointment since it was 10 of 10 2. I didn't get a single picture of my baby, not one! 3. It took the doctor 40mns to come see me. As it took longer and longer I began to get worried and upset. I didn't want to tell Joe who was there waiting with me incase it was nothing but my mind getting ahead of itself.
The next part gets a bit blurry and fuzzy for me. Dr. Salem came in and asked me how I've been feeling. He asked if I've had any breast tenderness and such. I said yes, a lot! I was also super sick for 3 days and moderately sick for another 3 days. He next said something that I just wasn't expecting, or maybe I was? He said he thinks I may have had a missed miscarriage.
WHAT?!
Everything after that is a bit fuzzy because I fell apart. He said it was common, 1 in 5... yadda yadda yadda. I could not believe my ears. I... miscarried...??? Its insane to think I went from excited to see my baby to completely crushed within a couple hours. He gave me two pieces of paper. One was to go get blood work done immediately just up the road. The next, he folded and said that IF the bloodwork from that day came back with something, then he MIGHT have me go again on Monday to have it drawn and tested again. IF???? MIGHT???? My world was turned upsidedown that day. I cried my eyes out. Joe held me while I cried and the doctor left. I cried and cried. I cried even more when the room next door had an ultrasound going on and I could hear plain as day the babies heartbeat next door going like crazy.
I just want to take this moment to say that my husband is incredible. I'm spoiled rotten to have such a great man by my side. Its like he scooped up my broken heart and guided me out of there. We checked out and got to the truck. He offered to come pick me up at the door because it was pouring. The weather matched my feelings perfectly and I didn't mind it one bit to be out there amidst the rain and drearyness. Joe took me to the lab and luckily it wasn't busy at all and they took me right in. The girl was very sweet and said that in the end everything will work out. I was a MESS.
We went home and I just climbed into bed and cried. I cried and cried and cried. Joe had a smoke in the other room and then climbed into bed with me. We spent the whole day in bed. I finally got up around 6/7pm. We got a bite to eat and then watched my Thursday shows. At that point I was numb. All I could think about was my beautiful baby blob on that screen and wondering how in the heck it could just be dead inside of me. How? Why? I didn't do anything wrong. Or did I? No!
The next day the doctor called me with results. He told me the numbers came back high. "So it wasn't something hormonal" he said. HUH?? Of course I was in a panic and didn't ask for the actual numbers. I'm an idiot. He told me to go for the second blood draw on Monday. This gave me hope! But I had to wait for Monday! Torture!!!
My weekend wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. A lovely lady on a mommy forum I am a member of online gave me a website of stories of women who have been misdiagnosed with miscarriages. This website not only gave me hope, but it was very informational. The numbers they take my blood for is the hcg hormone produced by a fetus. These numbers get higher as you progress but they do level out at some point. They double in the early part of pregnancy. I was told by my usual dr there that a pregnancy is often actually calculated by LMP, last menstrual period, and not by how far you ACTUALLY are. Dr. Salem never asked me about any of that. Yes he had my chart, but did he even review it?? LMP was sept 6. I didn't ovulate until 17 to 18 days after that. My cycles are 33 days long, not 28 days. I look back and it was exactly 6w from the day I ovulated to the day of the ultrasound on Thursday, when my LMP was saying I was 8w3d. I have a tilted uterus. A heartbeat is hard enough to find at 6w, factor in a tilted uterus makes it all the more difficult to find it. I don't know all the factors in which contributed to Dr Salem determining that it was a miscarriage. Keep in mind, he asked me NOTHING except if I actually had any symptoms.
On Monday, yesterday, I went for my second blood draw. I wasn't upset, I wasn't frantic, nothing. I was calm. I knew that whatever happens would be whatever is meant to be and there is nothing I can do to change it. I just need to be calm and rational as best as possible. There was quite a wait ahead of me. I counted and I was the 13th person in there, minus the 3 children waiting. One women with an uncontrollable and unruly little girl and a young mom with two young boys who were unbelieveably well behaved and roughly the same age as the girl. It made me want a little boy that much more because they were ridiculously adorable. The View was on tv in the waiting room and they were dicussing abortions and president Bush's mom showing him the fetus she miscarried in a jar. It was weird considering what I was there for. I went in when it was my turn, had my blood taken and left.
The only time I began to worry and be a tiny bit upset was last night before bed. But my wonderful husband took me in his arms and I just knew whatever happened, we would be ok. We would make it ok and move on no matter what.
Fast forward to this morning - Tuesday.
Dr. Salem called me to give me some results. He said my numbers came back higher but "they aren't as big of a jump as he would like." Huh? What?? I asked him for the numbers. My first draw on Thursday was 45,000+. Mondays draw was 51,000+. Not a big enough jump?! The numbers went UP. They increased by 6,000 over the weekend! How is that not enough?! I scheduled another ultrasound for Monday as per his recommendation. I didn't question him at all. At this point I've lost faith in this doctor. I can understand airing on the side of caution, but these numbers give me such hope. If it went down it would be a tell tale sign that I had lost the baby. It takes a live baby/fetus to even produce these numbers! Is he worried because he misdiagnosed me and science is proving him wrong?!
By Monday I will be a few days short of being able to measure 8w on an ultrasound if all is going well. I think that mondays ultrasound will answer all of our questions. But I find myself sitting here thinking of the wait until Monday. Granted I can find a new dr and get a second opinion now. Or I could goto the ER and complain of cramps and get an ultrasound now. But at the same time, a week isn't long and a lot can develop with the baby. What if its still too early for a heartbeat today. That will worry me more.
In my non medical opinion, I feel as if the dr is wrong. If he can't give me answers or hope on Monday then I am asking for my charts and getting a new dr, another opinion and a new hope. I can't and won't live on a prayer or the prayers of my family and close friends with a dr that is stringing me along. Its not happening.
Let me start off by saying that none of this is on fb right now. So if you're anonamously stalking me here but are friends with me on fb, I would greatly appreciate it if you asked me privately about what's going on. I do not have all the facts right now and I do not want to cause a stir and worry some people that don't need to be worried right now. This process is on going and I need to vent and document what is going on. Just putting a disclaimer out there!
On Thursday I had my long awaited first ultrasound to date my pregnancy and my first nurse visit for family history and such. I was super excited about it and couldn't wait to see our baby for the first time. I brought Joe with me so we could experience it together.
We went into the ultrasound room with the tech, she left so I could get undressed from the bottom down for my transvaginal ultrasound. She asked me some questions about my period, just primarily when my last menstrual period (LMP-first day of my last period) was. So she started the ultrasound and located where the baby should be and we saw the tiny little blob of a baby. She began taking pictures and printing them. She asked me again my LMP and said the baby was measuring 6w. That's when a few tears streaked my face for the first time. She moved around the 'wand' a lot trying to get a good view of the baby. She took roughly 10-15 photos of the baby and my ovaries. I told her I was having some pain on my right side and she confirmed what I had thought it to be which was a cyst measuring between half an inch to an inch. Cysts are normal for me and she said its normal to get them and they "help support a pregnancy until about 12w." Whatever that means. At one point I did catch her scrunch her nose and turn her head sideways at the monitor. She then commented about "fall allergies" - I wasn't buying it. She finished the ultrasound and began putting in notes, I glanced over to see her type in "no fetal heartbeat detected" so I began to cry some more. She finished and said she was going to see if the doctor there that day could look at my ultrasound pictures and come talk to me. I thought that was a little weird.
After I was dressed they moved me to the exam room next door to the ultrasound room to wait for the dr. I was a little worried for a few reasons. 1. I was going to be late for my 10am nurse appointment since it was 10 of 10 2. I didn't get a single picture of my baby, not one! 3. It took the doctor 40mns to come see me. As it took longer and longer I began to get worried and upset. I didn't want to tell Joe who was there waiting with me incase it was nothing but my mind getting ahead of itself.
The next part gets a bit blurry and fuzzy for me. Dr. Salem came in and asked me how I've been feeling. He asked if I've had any breast tenderness and such. I said yes, a lot! I was also super sick for 3 days and moderately sick for another 3 days. He next said something that I just wasn't expecting, or maybe I was? He said he thinks I may have had a missed miscarriage.
WHAT?!
Everything after that is a bit fuzzy because I fell apart. He said it was common, 1 in 5... yadda yadda yadda. I could not believe my ears. I... miscarried...??? Its insane to think I went from excited to see my baby to completely crushed within a couple hours. He gave me two pieces of paper. One was to go get blood work done immediately just up the road. The next, he folded and said that IF the bloodwork from that day came back with something, then he MIGHT have me go again on Monday to have it drawn and tested again. IF???? MIGHT???? My world was turned upsidedown that day. I cried my eyes out. Joe held me while I cried and the doctor left. I cried and cried. I cried even more when the room next door had an ultrasound going on and I could hear plain as day the babies heartbeat next door going like crazy.
I just want to take this moment to say that my husband is incredible. I'm spoiled rotten to have such a great man by my side. Its like he scooped up my broken heart and guided me out of there. We checked out and got to the truck. He offered to come pick me up at the door because it was pouring. The weather matched my feelings perfectly and I didn't mind it one bit to be out there amidst the rain and drearyness. Joe took me to the lab and luckily it wasn't busy at all and they took me right in. The girl was very sweet and said that in the end everything will work out. I was a MESS.
We went home and I just climbed into bed and cried. I cried and cried and cried. Joe had a smoke in the other room and then climbed into bed with me. We spent the whole day in bed. I finally got up around 6/7pm. We got a bite to eat and then watched my Thursday shows. At that point I was numb. All I could think about was my beautiful baby blob on that screen and wondering how in the heck it could just be dead inside of me. How? Why? I didn't do anything wrong. Or did I? No!
The next day the doctor called me with results. He told me the numbers came back high. "So it wasn't something hormonal" he said. HUH?? Of course I was in a panic and didn't ask for the actual numbers. I'm an idiot. He told me to go for the second blood draw on Monday. This gave me hope! But I had to wait for Monday! Torture!!!
My weekend wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. A lovely lady on a mommy forum I am a member of online gave me a website of stories of women who have been misdiagnosed with miscarriages. This website not only gave me hope, but it was very informational. The numbers they take my blood for is the hcg hormone produced by a fetus. These numbers get higher as you progress but they do level out at some point. They double in the early part of pregnancy. I was told by my usual dr there that a pregnancy is often actually calculated by LMP, last menstrual period, and not by how far you ACTUALLY are. Dr. Salem never asked me about any of that. Yes he had my chart, but did he even review it?? LMP was sept 6. I didn't ovulate until 17 to 18 days after that. My cycles are 33 days long, not 28 days. I look back and it was exactly 6w from the day I ovulated to the day of the ultrasound on Thursday, when my LMP was saying I was 8w3d. I have a tilted uterus. A heartbeat is hard enough to find at 6w, factor in a tilted uterus makes it all the more difficult to find it. I don't know all the factors in which contributed to Dr Salem determining that it was a miscarriage. Keep in mind, he asked me NOTHING except if I actually had any symptoms.
On Monday, yesterday, I went for my second blood draw. I wasn't upset, I wasn't frantic, nothing. I was calm. I knew that whatever happens would be whatever is meant to be and there is nothing I can do to change it. I just need to be calm and rational as best as possible. There was quite a wait ahead of me. I counted and I was the 13th person in there, minus the 3 children waiting. One women with an uncontrollable and unruly little girl and a young mom with two young boys who were unbelieveably well behaved and roughly the same age as the girl. It made me want a little boy that much more because they were ridiculously adorable. The View was on tv in the waiting room and they were dicussing abortions and president Bush's mom showing him the fetus she miscarried in a jar. It was weird considering what I was there for. I went in when it was my turn, had my blood taken and left.
The only time I began to worry and be a tiny bit upset was last night before bed. But my wonderful husband took me in his arms and I just knew whatever happened, we would be ok. We would make it ok and move on no matter what.
Fast forward to this morning - Tuesday.
Dr. Salem called me to give me some results. He said my numbers came back higher but "they aren't as big of a jump as he would like." Huh? What?? I asked him for the numbers. My first draw on Thursday was 45,000+. Mondays draw was 51,000+. Not a big enough jump?! The numbers went UP. They increased by 6,000 over the weekend! How is that not enough?! I scheduled another ultrasound for Monday as per his recommendation. I didn't question him at all. At this point I've lost faith in this doctor. I can understand airing on the side of caution, but these numbers give me such hope. If it went down it would be a tell tale sign that I had lost the baby. It takes a live baby/fetus to even produce these numbers! Is he worried because he misdiagnosed me and science is proving him wrong?!
By Monday I will be a few days short of being able to measure 8w on an ultrasound if all is going well. I think that mondays ultrasound will answer all of our questions. But I find myself sitting here thinking of the wait until Monday. Granted I can find a new dr and get a second opinion now. Or I could goto the ER and complain of cramps and get an ultrasound now. But at the same time, a week isn't long and a lot can develop with the baby. What if its still too early for a heartbeat today. That will worry me more.
In my non medical opinion, I feel as if the dr is wrong. If he can't give me answers or hope on Monday then I am asking for my charts and getting a new dr, another opinion and a new hope. I can't and won't live on a prayer or the prayers of my family and close friends with a dr that is stringing me along. Its not happening.
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Saturday, October 16, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
5w1d
yesterday i made an appointment for my first visit which is on Oct 25. i will be 7w. im so very excited. this doesnt seem real, aside from the constant back ache and sore boobies and nips that is!
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Friday, October 8, 2010
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